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Give Rice "the tomato treatment. " Chukwudi Anagbogu At a time, garri seemed indispensable in the daily menu of every Nigerian family. Personaly, I grew up smoking garri garnished with palm kernel or groundnuts, sometimes with milk if available. A childhood friend of mine would go about 'armed' with garri mixed with granulated sugar, occasionally scooping sizeable quantity into his mouth. In recent years, a menu is never complete without rice, whether jollof, fried, white, etc. Rice is no longer a meal for the big occasions :it is a meal for all seasons. Rice is...

Obinna was on his way home from the ATM when his phone suddenly rang. At first, he had wanted to ignore the call largely because he was on a commercial motorcycle. He hated answering cals while on a motorcycle or a commercial vehicle . He detested noisy environment, and just like the main market he regarded every other place outside home as not being conducive to answer phone calls, not just because of the noisy nature of such environment, but the need to make his conversations as private as possible. Who knows who could be out there eavesdropping?  The calls however, persisted and he decided to take a quick glance at the phone to know who the "overbearing caller " was. From experience he had come to the conclusion that whenever anyone called him in such a manner, there was something the fellow stands to gain from him. He had just gone to withdraw nearly all the money in his bank account, as he had just received his monthly stipend from his employees. He needed to pay his re...

 The Remote control By Chukwudi Anagbogu  Chapter  one Mr Okafor and Mrs Urawa read their respective letters and exchanged knowing glances. Of course, reading such a letter was a mere formality as every member of staff at Unity College knew how and when a query is in the offing. The duo were alleged to have missed a number of lessons, and as such are required to explain to the principal why  'disciplinary measures should not be taken against them for such negligence.' Ever since Mr Charles assumed the duty of the principal of Unity College  following the resignation of his predecessor, a lot of 'fireworks ' have been thrown at the staff. As a former teacher in the same school before his surprising and questionable elevation to the post of the principal, it was thought that he would be protective of his subordinates, but alas, the reverse was the case.  Charles obviously was a good man with a charming personality. Forty-five years old and a family ...

The unfortunate misfortune By Chukwudi Anagbogu 08063305177 For many years, a lot people have been wondering the bone of contention between Chief Eze and his 'Di Okpala'(first male child) Gozie. Going down memory Lane, I could remember how Chief Eze cherished Gozie, not because he was his only child, in fact as at my last count, his third wife had put to bed his thirteenth child and ninth son, but of all his children, he was the one that resembled him the most, both physically and otherwise. Then, Gozie was always seen in the company of his father. A mechanical engineer by profession, Chief Eze had always taken Gozie along to his workshop, especially when the later was on vacation. It was an informal form of apprenticeship that it was not surprising that he took after his father as a mechanic after failing to pass the SSCE after several attempts. When his father eventually changed his line of trade, he became the sole 'owner' of the workshop. His father had absolu...

Why bad roads are necessary in Nigeria By ChukwudiAnagbogu 08063305177 Nigerians have been exposed to all aspects of misrule, that nothing comes to them as a new thing. Is it epileptic power supply or corruption, or unemployment? We are used to that. But that doesn't mean we are now allergic to the good things of life. We love good things, that's why we keep on hoping for the best, even when it seems far-fetched. Our roads have become so bad that car manufacturers now make certain vehicles "for Nigerian roads." What makes a road Nigerian if I may ask? Your guess is as good as mine. A lot of innocent lives have been lost on our roads due to their poor state. These deaths would have been avoided if our roads were good. But, just as bad roads lead to avoidable accidents, a lot of lives have probably been saved due to the same reason. Bad roads do not lead to accidents. It is the inability of drivers to adapt to the bad nature of the roads. Travelling by road in N...

You don't learn by merely speaking. .. By chukwudi Anagbogu 08063305177 The use of the English Language had been inevitable in Nigeria, and will continue to be for the foreseeable future.  Apart from the fact that it is our lingua francs, the heterogeneous nature of Nigeria has made it imperative that we continue to place its mastery at the helm of teaching and learning, right from the cradle of education to its apex.  The most important reason, perhaps why the use of the English Language is inevitable, at least for now, is that it is...

Nigerians : the problem with Nigerians It is no longer news that the entity called Nigeria is tilting towards extinction, no thanks to the perpetual plethora of problems plaguing all sectors of the economy. It is normal for people to complain, even when there is no justification for it. It is not a surprise that Nigerians are continually insatiable. Are we not tired of our unending vilification of our leaders? Have our destructive and constructive criticisms of our leaders yielded any positive result? Most of these critics throw stones, even though they li...

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Wither distant relationships? By chukwudi Anagbogu (08063305177) www.facebook.com/chuuchuu Keeping distant relationships has been in vogue from time immemorial. From married couples to 'hit and run' couples, the list of those in it is endless. The difficult economic situation has made it seemingly inevitable for lots of couples, especially the males to stay far from their spouses and families in the case of married couples. It is very difficult to secure high-paying jobs anywhere today, irrespective of your academic qualifications. Therefore when one manages to secure one, one jumps at it without considering the proximity of the job location to one's place of abode. Many couples stay from months to years without setting their eyes on each other! The coming of ICT and GSM has made communication easier quite all right, but remember that "out of sight is out of mind. " That you call your spouse ten times a day or chat with him/her on all the social media ev...

Managing stardom... By chukwudi Anagbogu It is certainly easier to get to the top than to remain there. No one plans to get to the zenith, only to crash-land back to status quo. Many sit-tight leaders of today fail to relinguish power partly due to intoxication typical with such positions and largely because of the fear of returning to 'status quo'. A lot of people who attain great heights forget that it took the sacrifices of many to get there.  That a lot of people fall from grace to grace and from hero to zero is as a result of 'mismanagement of stardom', some of which come about suddenly and without a foreshadow. It is important to realise that  as soon as you become a public figure, your lifestyle and every other thing about you must undergo inevitable metamorphosis, as all aspects of your life will be in the public domain. A lot of great people experience fall due to pride. Pride, it is said, goes with a fall. When you make it in life, do not think that ev...

Free things in Freetown! People, especially Nigerians like free things or 'awoof'. The rich, poor as well as the middleclass are all engulfed in this. Everyone no matter how wealthy avails oneself of every slightest opportunity to enjoy goods and services without paying a dime. People attend occasions merely to dine and wine, no necessarily to honour their hosts. That is why people would easily attend festivities, even when uninvited (with their retinue of friends and dependants), 'liquidating' their host, but would abscond when invited for a book launch! The era of carting away food and drinks in 'nylon' bags and 'shopping cart'-sized handbags by women, and sadly these days men, is still with us. It is important to note that nothing is free in this world, 'even in Freetown.' That food is ready does not mean it is for free, to the extent that even in God's Own restaurant, you must pay after eating! A lot of people have met their waterlo...

Give this piece a suitable title My childhood was all about domestic chores ,farm work and what have you. It was therefore an intriguing experience when I visited a distant relation during my National youth service, to find out the exact opposite of the type of background I had. My aunt practically did the house chores, including washing of his children's clothes and dishes. In addition to that, she made sure she took them to and from school, not minding their already mature age! In the olden days, children served their parents, but today the reverse seems to be the case. Then, fathers did practically nothing. They were served meals and their laundry was handled by...

Think inwards! Part 2 A friend of mine once said cynically in between bottles of beer that men of God in Nigeria are powerful only in the Nollywood movies! As an ardent Christian, I had refused to be drawn into unproductive arguments about men of God and their possession of 'spiritual powers' or otherwise. I had known him as a 'free thinker' who saw church as a mere social gathering.  He was one of those who preached the idea that 'church is in the mind'. Hmm.  That's by the way, I am not here to discuss such issues. But the question that keeps begging for answers is, has the 'proliferation' of churches led to a better society?  Are we better off with...

Why the wait? This topic is one that generates understandable controversy among people. As with several other topical issues, people's opinions are diverse. When is the right time for a male or a female to get married? Everyone frowns at 'early marriage'.  In fact, many 'reasonable' parents would chase you out of their homes if you ever attempt to come for their 'under-aged' daughters' hand in marriage. Legally, a female less than sixteen is considered not ready for marriage while a boy should be at least eighteen before mooting marriage. Even at that, many still are not at home with the 'sixteen' and 'eighteen' years maturity age for females and males respectively. Due to the increasing  demand for western  education, the popular opinion is that a person is only ready and mature for marriage when the fellow is through with tertiary education, and perhaps in the case of men, secure gainful employment. In the case of men, this is un...

A CALL FOR SOBER REFLECTION By Umeh victor kenechukwu I just came across this from my bossom friend and brother Engr Umeh Victor Kc and decided to share... You smoke cigaratte and weed, you drink all types of alchohol. You are sent to university, you go there, you join cult groups, you go after every girl, you sleep with them & abandon them, you carry gun, you go out with your gang, you go to rob people, you rape your female victims, impregnate some in the process. You murder the 'stubborn' ones, you collect money, you go and assassinate people.You get initiated in every bad guys group on campus, they give you ranks like "Ibaka", "capo",etc. You dont attend lectures, you threaten your lecturers & they pass you in the exams you did not write. Your parents are at home, rejoicing 'my son is in school.' Your gang tells you that you are safe with them, no shaking. You take all sorts of oaths in the name of "Blending". They flog you ...

Whenever the ranking for the world's best universities is made public, we don't expect to see any Nigerian university among the best. A lot of rot have taken its toll on our educational system, that I need not dwell on that. The problem with our universities, and possibly other tertiary institutions is not necessarily a dearth of infrastructure, but the mediocrity that characterizes the employment of academic staff, as well as the awarding of degrees and other certificates to undeserving recipients. Gone are the days we had quality lecturers who mesmerized students and knock them into quality finished products. Now we have misfits and academically bankrupt individuals masquerading as lecturers. Our tertiary institutions have been turned to business centres, where the highest bidders take it all. Why won't we keep producing half-baked graduates when our university system is filled with mediocres and barely-baked 'lecturers'? However, that is not to say that al...

FULANI HERDSMEN ABI HEADLESS MEN? Millions of people worldwide, over the last few months ,have commented and are still expressing gross discontentment over the recent genocidal and unprovoked attacks on southerners by terrorists masquerading as  'herdsmen'. It was never my intention to join the public vituperations over this, but the fact that adequate sensitization is needed especially on the need for vigilance necessitates this piece. One of the problems of Nigerians is the 'medicine after death' syndrome. We are never pro-active and vigilant. I am not here to condemn anyone, no matter how highly placed. When the people of Agatu groaned and mourned, and blood poured, we took with wi...

GIVING PIDGIN ITS RIGHTFUL PLACE I know say plenty wahala dey our country Naija today. Anyhow sha, make we chook mouth for something we dey important!  A lot has been written and said about the national language question in Nigeria . ThatNigeria is yet to evolve an indigenous national language is a reality that has been living with us for many ages.In the past and even today, a lot of efforts has been made and a lot of strategies put up by successive governments  towards having a national language of Nigerian origin. This included among othes the popular WAZOBIA solution which hit the rocks as a result of complexities associated with creating a new language. Pidgin was also considered but met with stiff opposition especially from the elite some of who saw pidgin as not only a debased form of English but also one used by the basolect users of English language....

YOU MIGHT JUST BE A MURDERER! To murder implies taking someone's life, albeit advertently, at least to a layman's understanding. We are always quick to berate armed robbers, kidnappers and other 'men of the underworld', not forgetting those who kill with 'remote control'(you know what I mean). To many,  these are the dreaded groups of persons to be avoided like a plague and kept at an arm's length. Looking inwards however, we might just have killed or are killing someone unknowingly. How? Killing is not just carried out using firearms or any other physical forms to snuff out life out of someone. Our reaction to situations as well as the...

Sunday special : When to keep silent! By Chukwudi Anagbogu A young woman once sought the counsel of a priest on how to handle her husband, who always beat her up whenever they had misunderstanding. With a bandaged face, she recounted the series of beatings she had received from her husband, and how their respective families had waded in, all to no avail. The priest instructed her to always fill her mouth with water each time her husband starts nagging and shouting at her,and make sure she doesn't swallow or spit it out till the husband leaves the scene of the argument. That way, according to the priest, her husband will not lay a finger on her again. The lady was full of doubts at this 'unorthodox' prescription from the priest. She had expected the priest to summon her husband and talk sense into him. Nevertheless, she decided to carry out the instructions to the letter. A week later, she returned to the priest full of smiles, "Reverend, what you told me worked pe...

Relooting the loots By Chukwudi Anagbogu. 08063305177 For many years, the Nigerian antigraft agency, the EFCC has been allegedly recovering funds looted by prominent office holders. From the regime of Mallam Nuhu Ribadu to the current administration of Ibrahim Magu, trillions of naira have been said to have been recovered. While we applaud this unprecedented giant stride, we often forget to question the whereabouts of these 'recovered loots'. Or are these great recoveries just mere propaganda to make us believe that the war against corruption is actually being fought? It is now common knowledge that Nigeria is currently going through unprecedented economic haemorrhage, worsened by the drop in oil prices. Forget it, Nigeria is poor today because of uncontrolled merciless siphoning of the treasury by every Tom, dick and Harry saddled with the responsibility of managing our Commonwealth. Salaries are not being paid by states who actually get monthly allocations from the fed...

Professional Money Ritualists By Chukwudi Anagbogu 08063305177 •Whenever one talks about money ritual, our biased minds always go towards the use of human heads and 'other vital parts of the body ' in exchange for wealth. But, money ritual goes beyond that. It is a general belief that the private sector should help ameliorate the problem of unemployment in Nigeria, putting into cognizance the increase in the number of graduates being churned out of our higher institutions yearly. The expectation is in order, considering the fact that government alone cannot provide employment for everyone, both skilled and unskilled, at least for the foreseeable future. This is where the private sector comes in. They are supposed to absorb those who are not 'privileged ' to secure government jobs either in the civil service or public service. Because of the comatose state of our power sector and complete reliance on importation and 'oil money', there are virtually ...